


Ravi Learns The True Meaning of Friendship and Pet Ownership

by moemachina



Category: iZombie (TV)
Genre: Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-09 01:19:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5520116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moemachina/pseuds/moemachina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Congratulations," Liv said. "There's nothing classier than a mattress on the floor." </p>
<p>"That's what my last three girlfriends have told me," Ravi said. "And in that exact tone of voice, funnily enough."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ravi Learns The True Meaning of Friendship and Pet Ownership

**Author's Note:**

  * For [smartlike](https://archiveofourown.org/users/smartlike/gifts).



**I. He had his dream job. And then he didn't.**

The funny thing was that he had been relatively upbeat about the whole thing, all things considered, right up until he called his mother. Somewhere in the middle of his story -- which he had begun to refine into an absurdist little monologue, something he'd be telling at cocktail parties in years to come to laughing friends -- he found, to his alarm, that there were honest-to-god tears beginning to well up at the corners of his eyes.

"But I'm good," he growled through a tight throat. "Everything is good. It's for the best, really." 

His mother was both outraged (on his behalf) and concerned; she was everything he had wanted when he rang her up. But, ultimately, he had wanted to make her laugh, so he was horrified to find that he could not stop crying. 

"It's a cold, really," he sobbed into the phone. "It's flu season, you know. And I'm very susceptible." 

"Ravi," his mother said. "Come home. You've been wandering like a nomad for too long. We miss you." 

And for a moment, he thought of home -- late Sunday breakfasts, his mother's elderly cocker spaniel, drinking terrible beer with his father -- and he was tempted. But instead, he wiped at his tear-stained beard and straightened up in his chair and told his mother about his plan. 

"...Seattle," she said, flatly, at the end of his monologue, which was (thank god) beginning to re-assume its amusing dimensions, its cocktail-party shape. "Why Seattle?" 

"Would you believe," Ravi said, spinning in his chair a little, "that it's because of my love of the _Twilight_ novels? And my need to experience the Pacific Northwest for myself? Maybe there will be sparkly vampires. My fingers are crossed." 

"Ravi, whatever you do, please do not get turned into a sparkly vampire. I don't know how I would break it to your father." 

And, for the first time in days, Ravi laughed.

  
**II. He got a new job. He got a new resident. He got to know her.**

"Oh my god. Every time I think I've reached the last box labeled COMIC BOOKS, I find that there's another one! And that it's heavy as hell."

Ravi held the front door for Liv as she staggered into the house and dramatically dropped a cardboard box against the wall. "I'm beginning to rethink your offer to help me move, Liv. There's a lot more whining than I anticipated." 

Liv was stretching, but at Ravi's words, she wind-milled upright in indignation. "Really? Really? Whining?! And how on earth were you going to move all these boxes of men in their underwear without us?" 

"Slowly," Ravi said, "and methodically. But cheerfully! Also, please note that I am not rising to the bait of your insult against my graphic novels. If only because my box of GAY PORN is still in the car." 

"Nah, I already got it, big guy." Major came bouncing in the room, carrying three boxes at once. "Where do you want this?" 

"Just on the floor is fine. I can bring it all upstairs myself." 

Major glanced at Liv, who was stretching backwards and regarding the ceiling. "We taking a break?" 

"Ugh, no," Liv said. "Let's finish this." 

She theatrically sprinted out the front door and down the porch steps. Major and Ravi followed her at a more leisurely pace. 

"You're a good packer, Chakrabarti," Major said. "Good technique. Properly sized boxes. Not packed too heavy, not packed too light." 

Liv was several feet ahead of them, but her snort was clearly audible to them. 

"Thank you," Ravi said. "So few people appreciate the crisp hospital corners on my cardboard boxes. I've had a lot of practice packing for moves. I've got it down to a science, I like to think." 

Major shrugged as they reached Ravi's car. "I just remember when we helped Liv and her roommate move into their current place. By the time I got there, they were still putting things in boxes and worrying about how to wrap their hair dryers for the move across town. That move...took a long time."

Liv, passing them with a box balanced against her hip, rolled her eyes. "It took a long time because we had a normal amount of stuff," she called back. "We didn't have an estate consisting almost entirely of comic books and zero cutlery."

"Who needs such things?" Ravi asked as he picked up a box labeled MAGIC THE G. "I have one fork, one spoon, one plate, one cup. And why would I need anything else? I am but one man." 

"A minimalist, huh?" Once again, Major stacked three boxes and picked them up without apparent effort. "Must make dinner parties interesting." 

"Well, I have a little entertaining secret," Ravi said. "I obtained it direct from Emily Post. The secret is: do not throw dinner parties." 

When they got back to the living room, they found Liv glaring down at the growing pile of boxes. "Why is this box labelled SAND?" 

"Please tell me that it's full of sand," Major said. "And please tell me it's part of your Emily Post entertaining technique."

"Oh, that box holds a complete run of _Sandman_ issues. It's a modern masterpiece of the graphic form, Liv."

"Why is it that you have three boxes labelled ACTION FIGURES and zero boxes labeled BOOKS?" 

"I have my priorities, Liv," Ravi said. "And my Kindle. And a storage unit in Atlanta filled with medical textbooks."

"Why do you have a storage unit in Atlanta?" 

"Liv, come on," Major said. "Who doesn't have a storage unit in Atlanta? It's like that old song: you're nobody until you have a storage unit in the ATL." 

"Because I used to live there," Ravi said, shrugging. "Back when I worked for the CDC. I made the move out here to the West Coast, but a lot of my stuff didn't." 

Liv nudged the box at her feet. "But the _complete_ run of _Sandman_ did?"

"Obviously," Ravi said. "As I said, I have priorities, Liv."

"Your car is empty now," Major said. "Are we ready to make the final trip?"

"Only if we can do it while listening to Europe's "The Final Countdown" on the way over."

Liv pumped her fist in the air. "Luckily for you, I've got it on my iPhone." 

"Why do you have the greatest song ever on your iPhone?" Ravi asked as they waited for Major to lock the front door. "Wait, maybe I've answered my own question." 

Liv grinned up at him. "A couple years back, I was training to run a marathon. It was my go-to song whenever I started to flag. Well, that and "Eye of the Tiger." And "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from _Mulan_." 

"Huh." Ravi gave her a speculative look. "I never knew you were a runner. So you do marathons." 

Liv sighed. "Well, almost. I got a hairline fracture in the middle of my training, and my doctor made me give up training until I healed. So no marathon for me." 

"Oh, I remember that," Major said as he came down the steps with them. "You got to wear that super-sexy medical boot for a while." 

" _So_ super-sexy," Liv agreed. 

They had reached the car, and Major grinned at her from over the top of it. "You should pick it up again, Liv. You really loved running, and you've got the legs for it. And there's nothing like a runner's high. It really gets the heart going." 

Liv looked down at the car door. "Yeah," she said very quietly. "I guess."

Ravi, coming up behind her, leaned forward to unlock her door. As he did so, he gave her a light touch -- a whisper of contact -- against her upper arm. 

A tremulous smile crossed her face as she climbed into the car. 

Major, pushing aside Ravi's extensive collection of McDonald's bags to climb into the back seat, saw nothing. "When I work out, I prefer the _Frozen_ soundtrack," he was saying. "It gives me alllll the street cred with my kids."

Liv reached up to plug her iPhone into the car's audio jack. "I thought you were more into, like, crotchety old guys with steel drums."

"Is this about my prog-rock collection, Liv?" Major tapped the back of Ravi's headrest. "Ravi, I don't know if you're into the genius of Rick Wakeman, but if you are, you've moved into the right house." 

"I prefer my synthesizers in the hands of men with gelled hair, ankh necklaces, and mascara," Ravi said as he pulled out of the driveway. 

"Ah," Major said. "A Depeche man, then." 

Ravi winked at him in the rearview mirror. "At least I'm not gonna make you listen to Take That or Westlife."

"I don't know who those bands are," Major said, "but their names frighten me." 

"Here we go," Liv said, and a throbbing set of chords -- DA NAH NUH NAH -- filled the car, and there was no speaking for the next five minutes as the three occupants belted out the lyrics (" _AND MAYBE WE'LL COME BACK TO EARTH WHO CAN TELL?_ ") and furiously air-drummed (or, in the case of Ravi, enthusiastically finger-tapped against the steering wheel). 

Then they listened to it again. (" _WITH SO MANY LIGHT YEARS TO GO AND THINGS TO BE FOUND_.") 

By the time they reached Ravi's old address, they were getting a little hoarse. 

"How'd you find this place, anyway, Ravi?"

Ravi slammed shut his car door. "Oh. You know. The normal methods. Craigslist ad. A week-to-week lease. No obvious signs that my landlady was a serial murderer." 

The three of them regarded the extensive collection of angel statuary that decorated the front yard.

"Really?" Major asked. "No signs, big guy?" 

"Ha," Ravi said. "Wait until you see my landlady's collection of vintage dolls. They're everywhere in the house. And they never sleep." 

Ravi's room had its own entrance at the side of the house, and so they picked their way through the stone angels and made their way into the darkened house. 

"How much more do we have left to move?" Liv asked. 

"Just the mattress," Ravi said. "Unless you want to steal some dolls." 

"None for me, thanks," Major said. "But, uh, question. How are we getting the mattress back, chief?"

"And what about your bed frame? And box spring?" Liv asked as they entered the darkened room that had once housed Ravi. 

"Good news," Ravi said. "I own neither a frame nor a box spring. I like my mattresses just like I like my men: filled with springs and planted firmly on the ground." He gestured toward the white mattress leaning against the far wall. "And Major, I figured we'd just balance it on the top of the car and reach up and...hold it there, I guess."

"This could go so, so badly," Major said, crouching down to lift one side of the mattress. "On the other hand, it could also be a hilarious story. So I'm in!" 

"Boys," Liv snorted as she grabbed a corner. 

"C'mon, Liv," Ravi said as they carefully navigated the mattress out the bedroom door. "You also think this could be awesome. Look into your heart. Search your feelings. You know it to be true."

"Never," Liv trilled as they made their slow, halting way to the car. "I'll never join you." 

"Watch that angel," Major said. 

"Oh, come on. Do you know how long I've been waiting to topple these things?" Ravi sighed. "Do you know what it's like to come home at night and try to get into the side exit without running into them? I have sustained some bruises, let me tell you." 

They gingerly slid the mattress over the roof of the car, where it poofed out, long and white, like a particularly malignant mushroom head. 

"This plan is flawless," Ravi said as they got in the car and started rolling down windows. "Genius, even." 

"When this thing flies off and lands on the windshield of some poor grandmother and causes a nine-car pile-up..." Liv began.

"Shhh. We'll take back roads. Slow, serene back roads." 

Even with slow, serene back roads, the old "balancing the mattress on the top of a moving car" routine was nearly more than they could handle. In the end, Major and Liv ended up nearly standing, halfway out of the windows on opposite ends of the car as they grimly grasped the cloth handles on both sides of the mattress. 

"Liv, I don't know what you were planning to do with your Saturday morning," Major shouted at her, "but clearly it would have paled in comparison to this." 

Liv, her knuckles white with the effort of holding onto the mattress, did not bother to respond. 

Ravi, driving, hummed "The Final Countdown" until they reached their destination. 

"Let's never do this again," Liv said after they parked and started navigating the mattress into the house. 

"Are you kidding?" Major said, a little breathlessly. "But it was such fun! I feel like we've invented new sport here, guys. After this, I totally hope we can go sledding down the stairs or something." 

With some difficulty, they got the mattress up the stairs and grimly flopped it down.

"Congratulations," Liv said. "There's nothing classier than a mattress on the floor." 

"That's what my last three girlfriends have told me," Ravi said. "And in that exact tone of voice, funnily enough." 

"Is is time for the best part of Moving Day?" Major asked. "And by that, I mean the part where we order a pizza and drink some beer. Ravi, you got any topping preferences? Liv, I assume you'll want your standard pepperoni?" 

Liv blinked. "Uh...I'd prefer jalapeños, I think." 

"Yes," Ravi said faintly, "me too. I love...jalapeños." 

"Oh, okay," Major said, a little startled. "I'll make sure we get some jalapeños then." 

For the next hour, they watched Ravi unpack ("Magic the _Gathering_ ," Liv hissed, "six binders full of Magic the Gathering, and zero novels...") and then the pizza came, and the three of them found themselves standing in the kitchen, hungrily devouring hot cheese and crispy crusts. 

"You know, jalapeños aren't so bad," Major said. "They're a lot milder after they've been cooked, I guess." 

"Yeah," Liv said sadly. "Do you have any hot sauce, Major?" 

Ravi, leaning against the kitchen counter, finished a slice and carefully licked clean his greasy fingers. "This was nice," he said at last. "Thank you two for your assistance. I don't think I could have done it without you. Or at least not without breaking an angel or two." 

"No trouble, buddy," Major said, smiling. "It was a pleasure. And, like I said, you were a pleasure to move." 

"Yeah," Liv said. "And after all, it's like they say: 'Friends help you move. _Real_ friends help you move a body.'" 

Ravi gave a dramatic sigh. "One day I hope to reach that level of friendship with you, Olivia Moore." 

"Ah, man," Liv said, punching him lightly in the shoulder. "You already have. I mean, I wouldn't be able to get them onto the table for autopsies otherwise."

Ravi laughed, and Major put down his half-eaten slice of pizza. "Guys. Guys. I think this calls for a group hug?" 

"What?" Ravi said, even as Liv said, "Oh, yeah, _definitely_." 

And then they were both moving in for a hug, with Ravi sandwiched in the middle -- with Major, muscled and warm on one side, and the small form of Liv on the other, pressing up against him, maybe a little uncomfortably.

"Major and Peyton used to do this to me in college," Liv said. Her small hands were tight around his waist. "When they got drunk at house parties, they would come find me and put me in an unbreakable hug." 

"I think I've seen some movies that start like that," Ravi said. "Actually, I've seen some movies that start like _this_." 

"Boom chaka wow wow," Major said. 

"Guys," Liv said. "Stop ruining this moment."

  
**III. Secrets were kept. But not very well. And not for very long.**

Ravi paused. "Liv? Are you still here?"

She was an indistinct shadow in the break room until Ravi switched on the light, and even then, she did not raise her head from her crossed arms. "Hey, Ravi," she mumbled. 

Ravi pulled off his lab coat and hung it on the wall. "How late are you staying tonight? You should...maybe go home. It's been a long couple of days." 

Liv sat up and regarded him with dark eyes. "I can't be at home right now," Liv said. "I'm all alone there with my thoughts. It's been real empty since Peyton...left." 

Ravi had been in the process of swinging his messenger bag's strap over his head, but now he paused and put the bag down. "Are you planning to spend the night _here_?" 

Liv shrugged. "I don't know. I hadn't gotten that far yet." 

"Well..." Ravi said slowly, "I would offer you a place to crash, but given the circumstances..." 

"No," Liv said. "He doesn't want to talk to me." 

"Not at the moment, no," Ravi said. "With time, that could change." 

Liv bit her lip. "Yeah, I don't know about that, man." 

Ravi sat down on a plastic chair and regarded Liv. "So. Every time I ask you how it's going, you just say, 'Fine.' But -- using the keen deductive reasoning for which I am known -- I am beginning to suspect you are not, in fact, one-hundred-percent 'fine.'" 

"No," Liv said. "Maybe seventy percent? I think I'm seventy-percent fine." 

"I think that's a generous estimate," Ravi said. "Based on your appearance, I'd put you at twenty percent. Maybe fifteen." 

Liv smiled thinly. "My appearance? Am I not looking so good for a dead girl?" 

"You look like a very tired pale person," Ravi said. "Whereas, normally, you look like a well-rested and energetic pale person. 'Dead' doesn't enter into it, one way or another." He watched her, and she watched the floor. "I know you know this already, Liv, but if you would like to talk about it, I'm right here."

"There's not much to talk about," Liv said through the white hair that fell across her face. "I betrayed the love of my life, and I might yet be responsible for the death of my brother. It's fine." She looked up at Ravi. "I know you mean well. And I...I appreciate it. But you can't help me right now, and I'm not in the mood for a pep talk." 

"Fair enough," Ravi said. "What are your plans for the evening?" 

"Uh...just sitting here, I guess. Maybe I'll watch a nature documentary or something." Liv shrugged. "I'm not in the mood for anything with a plot or characters. I just wanted soothing images of bears eating salmon and the voice of David Attenborough." 

"That's the universal human desire right there," Ravi said. "All right, you've sold me. Queue up a documentary, Olivia. We're learning about nature tonight." 

Liv regarded him. "You don't have to do that. You don't have to stay." 

"Oh, but I want to," Ravi said. "Besides, I have some paperwork to get caught up on. Might as well do it to the sound of running water and masticated salmon." 

"But...I don't want...I don't want to prevent you from going home. And being with Major." Liv shuddered. "Because I don't think he should be alone right now." 

"I can pretty much guarantee that he's at the gym right now," Ravi said. "He's been having a lot of late work-out sessions recently. And besides, Major gets to see me every morning when I take his temperature and jot down his vitals in my little book. Trust me, he and I have had a lot of Quality Time together recently. That little ticky-box gets ticked on the regular." 

Liv ran her hand through her shock of white hair. "Okay," she said at last. "But I'm making you watch a documentary on sea grass or something." 

"And I'm making you double-check my forms," Ravi said happily. "So really, we've just formed a symbiotic bond, Liv." He paused. "Oooh, do you think you could find a show about sharks and those weird fish who attach themselves to sharks and eat their leftovers?" 

"No," Liv said. "Sea grass it is."

  
**IV. Nobody asked Ravi about the dog. Or the ex.**

"It's not that I mind," Ravi said to no one. "I mean, I'm definitely more of a dog-person than I am a cat-person. It's just that I did not expect to have the responsibility of owning a dog _thrust_ upon me."

Waddling beside him, Minor paused to sniff at a tree trunk, and so Ravi paused as well. It was very early in the morning, and Ravi was feeling particularly aggrieved with the universe. 

"It's as if I'm in some sort of 1950s sitcom, and there's a child who had sworn up and down -- up and _down_ , Minor -- that he was old enough to get a puppy, and his mother told him, okay, you can get the puppy, but _only_ if you're prepared to take care of it yourself, and the boy goes, Gee Willikers Ma -- is that something Americans would say in the past, Minor? Truly, it is another country -- anyway, the boy acquiesces and then he runs off to get the puppy and then -- after the commercial break -- the mother discovers that she is taking care of the puppy, because her son is but a feckless youth." 

Minor, done with the tree, began trundling forward again. Ravi ambled behind him. 

"But in this case, Major is the son, and he never even begged for a puppy. He just brought you home and then appeared vaguely surprised every time you came into a room. It's like you are his own personal amnesia dog. And so now I'm the poor mother who has to take care of you. Because what would happen to you if I didn't, Minor? I think you and I both know what would happen. And it doesn't bear thinking about." 

The dog paused in his stately progress to stare rheumily in the direction of a mailbox. 

"And another thing," Ravi continued. "I mean, it's true, Peyton and I are good. We're _good_. But still, I should think it's just _simple courtesy_ for a man to give his roommate a head's up when aforesaid man invites aforesaid roommate's ex-girlfriend to crash with them indefinitely." 

Minor strained forward on his leash, and Ravi followed. "What's the worst," he told the dog, "is when I come downstairs and they're all in the kitchen, drinking coffee and reading the paper together and giggling like a trio of school-girls about to have their first pillow fight. And Minor, you're probably fooled. You're probably taken in. But _I_ know better. After all, I know those three like the back of my hand...or, I guess, like the back of my two hands and my right foot. My left foot remains a mystery to me, Minor." 

Minor paused to sniff the sidewalk before moving ponderously forward. 

"The thing is, I know them. I live with one of them, I work with the other, I used to date the third -- I leave it to your keen senses to discern who is who in that catalog, Minor. And they're being so...performative. It's like, if they pretend _real_ hard that everything is the way it used to be, then poof! It will happen." 

Ravi sighed. "Minor, can I tell you something? Confidentially? This morning, when I came down and found them making pancakes together, I went straight back upstairs and booted up the laptop and looked for job openings. New York! Austin! London! Think of the places we could go, Minor!" 

Minor's toenails clicked against the sidewalk. 

"Well, okay, maybe not you," Ravi agreed. "I'd probably have to leave you here. And I couldn't leave Major without giving him advance notice so he could find a new roommate. And I couldn't leave Liv until..." And here he paused, and a long silence lasted between man and dog. 

At last, he sighed. "You know, I never asked for this. I wanted to be un-rooted, a wanderer, always on the move. I wanted to be the type of stone that gathers no moss. I didn't really want all these...attachments." 

An attractive women, running past them, threw Ravi an alarmed glance and veered to the other side of the street. 

Ravi shrugged. "I don't know what her problem is. It's like she's never seen a man talking to his dog before." 

Minor said nothing. Instead, with heavy lids, he lay down on top of Ravi's right sneaker and refused to be cajoled into walking any further, so that, in the end, Ravi had to carry him back. 

****

  
**V. At night, he dreams about being lost in the tall grass. Then he wakes.**

Major sleepily came downstairs to find Ravi snapping the leash onto Minor's collar.

"Hey," he said. "Going for a walk?" 

"Yeah," Ravi said. "He loves his walks." 

"Does he?" Major regarded the dog skeptically. "I'm pretty sure he just loves sleeping, followed by food." 

"Walking is definitely number three on that list." 

"Okay," Major said as he poured coffee beans into the grinder. "You want any coffee before you go?" 

"Nah," Ravi said. "I'll get some when I get back. See you in a bit." 

"See you," Major said, yawning. "Better bundle up, though. It's chilly out there."

Ravi and the dog walked out the front door, and Ravi paused to lock the door behind them. They moved down the steps to the sidewalk -- but instead of continuing along the sidewalk, Ravi veered to the driveway and opened the passenger-side door of his car. Minor quietly suffered to be put into the car, and then Ravi jogged around to the driver's side. 

Even under normal circumstances, it was unlikely that Major would have thought anything of the sound of a car engine in the driveway -- and at this precise moment, he was still sleepily grinding coffee beans, so he heard nothing at all above the noise of the machine. 

Ravi and Minor drove for a while. Minor went to sleep and began to snore a little hoarsely from the passenger seat. Ravi absently turned on the radio, which had been left tuned to KEXP 90.3. The station was playing a song he didn't recognize -- something that sounded like smooth jazz with a drum machine and a male vocalist singing about the seashore and the 'score.' 

"Ugh," Ravi said. "I guess it's too early for the reggae, Minor." 

In response, Minor snored. 

They drove. Eventually, Ravi turned down a small service road, and the trees along the side of the road grew progressively shorter and more stunted until they dwindled into bushes. 

Eventually they parked on a non-descript patch of concrete. Ravi let out Minor, who curiously snuffled the ground. 

"So many exciting smells," Ravi said as he reached into back seat and pulled out a metal detector. "Come on, Minor. It's a competition between your nose and this thing's...uh, beepy sound, I guess."

There was an ostensible chain-link fence blocking access to the private property along the road, but it was old and deteriorated, and it was relatively easy for Ravi to find a gap large enough for a tall man and his stout dog. Past the fence, the ground grew marshy and soft, and the thick grasses grew long enough to brush against Ravi's hips. 

With his left hand, Ravi dragged the metal detector across the ground. On his other side, hanging close to his leg, Minor picked his way carefully. 

Together, walking back and forth, they methodically swept across the field. In the distance, a white water tower squatted against the horizon. 

Time passed, and the sun climbed in the sky. 

At last, midway through the field, Ravi switched off the metal detector and wiped his forehead. "Well. No luck today. We'll start out here first thing tomorrow." 

Beside him, Minor sat down and wagged his tail until Ravi reached into his pocket and pulled out a small hard biscuit, which Minor ate with great relish. 

Ravi regarded the white tower in the distance. "After a while, it starts to take on a certain malevolence, doesn't it? I feel like it oughta have the Eye of Sauron emblazoned on it or something." 

Minor belched and then lay down across the tops of Ravi's shoes. He refused all attempts to motivate him into walking back to the car, and in the end, Ravi had to carry him. 

"Why did you have to be so heavy?" Ravi asked. "I should just leave you here. You're lucky that I am a man who takes his responsibilities seriously, dog. You're lucky that I would never leave a friend behind." 

In response, Minor whimpered slightly and went to sleep.


End file.
